Thursday, September 29, 2011

More on Being Right

In my last post I mentioned how being right is a pretty big deal for me. Well, this past week I read something about "differentiation"- a psychological term (I think) that has to do with a person's comfort with self even when others disagree with them. (Funny how that just happened to be in my required reading, and in a book on epistemology of all places!) Anyway, the bell went off in my head and I said, "yep, that's what I need!"

My personality tells me that if someone doesn't agree with me, they don't love me. (You can imagine how much pressure this puts on my poor husband!) But yea, it's interesting seeing what kind of patterns (other than food-hoarding) linger as a result of growing up in a large, opinionated, idea-loving, family! "How can you reject my ideas without rejecting me? How can you disagree with me without being disloyal?" In my efforts to "catch" myself equating agreement with love, I realized something pretty helpful.

Jesus doesn't always agree with me. In fact, He probably disagrees with me on more levels and on more personal levels than anyone else in my life- but He also loves and accepts me perfectly! In fact, it wouldn't be perfect love if He didn't disagree with the wrong I do. It wouldn't be perfect love that transforms and heals me if He didn't point out my lack of trust (food-hoarding), my insecurity (wanting to be right all the time), or any other myriad of issues He's addressing.

I'm learning to be thankful for a Perfect Love that accepts all of me while at the same time, disagreeing with me. I'm learning to realize this can be true of others in my life as well; and maybe I'm learning that the qualifications for love, loyalty, and acceptance aren't that I need to prove myself by being right. Maybe I'm just loved.


Aaron Eising said...

Something interesting that Skip Ryan said in a class concerning his marriage at a rough time: "at some point we realized we would rather be married than right." Extending that a little to what the meaning is: "I would rather be in loving relationship(s) than be right." Not bad life goal, especially for a bunch of well-educated, intelligent people.
P.S. I'm not stalking you--it showed up on my FB feed.

B.j. Murrey said...

I am stalking unlike Aaron. That and your hubby stole my backpack. Probably because I didn't take him for a motorcycle ride. Can y'all bring it to class tomorrow night? Also, great post! Succinct and poignant.