Monday, October 21, 2013

My Calling When Caught Inbetween

In some ways, this year is a season of finishing. In May I graduate from seminary, and hopefully after that we'll be moving out of Dallas. It has been an amazing four years that I wouldn't trade for anything; it has exceeded my expectations in every way. I can't express how profoundly I've been changed during my time at Redeemer, or how grateful I am for the opportunity. And heck, I even kind of like Texas now! (Well, mainly the breakfast tacos.) But I'm also ready to be done. I'm tired of keeping all the plates spinning-- two jobs, full time graduate school, and a church internship is fun, but meant to be more of a sprint than a marathon. So in some ways, I feel like I'm just hanging in there; channeling my energy for one last lap, one more mile, one final year of all the reading, writing, to-do lists, event-planning, sweating (did I mention it's hot in Texas?) and studying. It's a season of perseverance, of finishing well, and--let's be honest--of "senior-itis." 

But in some ways, this year is also a season of new beginnings. We don't know exactly what is next, which actually means we've got to be very active participants in exploring the possibilities. Job applications, phone conversations, city searches, and lots of prayer remind us that things are getting ready to change. Big time. It's kind of like approaching the summit of a mountain and almost being able to see the view. So in some ways, I feel like I'm just getting started; channeling my energy for a new adventure, a new challenge, a new set of plates to spin. It's a season of anticipation, of expectation, and of unknowns.

The good news for me is that whatever the effect this caught-inbetween time is having on me-- whether I'm feeling anxious and eager one day or exhausted and apathetic the next-- my calling is the same: to rest in Christ. When I'm tired from the journey and don't feel like I have enough in me to finish well, Jesus invites me to let go of my expectations for what "finishing well" actually looks like, and to just hold on to Him. In other words, in this season my resting in Christ means accepting that crossing the finish line of graduate school may feel more like the awkward last steps of a three-legged race than a photo-worthy Olympic sprint. And that's OK.  

And when I'm anxiously biting my fingernails and studying the horizon, desperate to know what's next and unable to concentrate on the present, Jesus invites me to chill and to trust Him. In other words, in this season resting in Christ means realizing that I have no control over the future anyway, and that worrying about it is only hurting myself. It means remembering that he got me this far, and he's not going anywhere, so I might as well just sit back and enjoy the ride. 

What season are you in right now? What would resting in Christ look like for you?

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